Wounds
by Lady Greenbrier
Summary: Tamani's thoughts during "Spells" when he and Laurel fight. Long one-shot. Very sad, but that's probably to be expected.


**I just got these books, but they're amazing! I bought "Spells" first, read two pages and realized it was a sequel, went and begged my mom to let me buy "Wings" on Kindle, bought "Wings" and finished it, and then read "Spells" all in the course of about two days. Yes, I read those two books in less than forty-eight hours. I'm a speed reader. **

**On another note, yay! This is my thirtieth story on this site! :) Check out some of my others if you're bored. I mostly have "Twilight" ones, but I also have a "Harry Potter"; a "Alice in Wonderland (2010)"; and this one. **

**Anyway, enjoy and please review!**

* * *

Tamani was pretty much your average spring faerie. He worked for the good of Avalon and accepted that he was simply the lower class. He'd never had any reason to wish otherwise.

Except now.

Having admitted to Laurel that the ball was in her hands, that he couldn't "steal" her from her human boyfriend, he had hoped that that would make her realize that she had to stop playing with him. He had feelings, too—or did she only consider those of her precious _David_?

He wanted to hate her for playing with his feelings like this, but he could only feel love towards her. No matter how he tried, he couldn't be angry with her. He loved her too much.

So it hurt—a _lot_—when she kept rejecting him, even though she always had this subtle hint of longing in her eyes when she looked on him that he doubted that even she knew about.

Why did she want him to apologize for kissing her? After so many years of watching her from the background, it was killing him to have to keep his distance because of her human boyfriend. He'd known her much longer than David had. He knew her longer than _she_ could remember.

Laurel couldn't remember her days as a young faerie in Avalon. But Tamani could. Every moment was prevalent in his mind—whenever she smiled, he compared it to her friendly smile before her memories were wiped so that she could complete her mission. She couldn't remember _anything_!

Only he knew that, when they were young, right before they left, he kissed her on the lips and she didn't mind. On the contrary, she had giggled bashfully, but beamed at him. If only she hadn't left—he was sure that if she hadn't, she would love him back. None of this would be happening.

But he knew Laurel. She would never have been happy with defeat. She would have been so upset if she hadn't been allowed to do it, she would never have had any confidence. She wouldn't have been the same Laurel.

Even now, she wasn't the same Laurel. The Laurel he remembered would never have strung him on like this, kept him hoping she would change her mind before crushing it every time.

He was finally tired of it. He forced himself to push away his fear that truly setting a limit would scare her away. He couldn't go on like this. He couldn't.

"I'm not sorry," he said determinedly, masking his trepidation.

"Well, you should be!" she snapped. His heart sank, but he kept his expression calm.

"Why should I be sorry? Because I kissed the girl I'm in love with? I love you, Laurel." His voice automatically softened slightly as he told her he loved her. She knew of his love, but he had never expressed it so bluntly.

She was silent. He wished he could see her expression, but she was facing away from him determinedly.

"How long am I supposed to sit back and just wait for you to come to your senses?" he begged. "I've been patient. For _years_ I've been patient, Laurel, and I'm tired." He walked up to her and grasped her shoulders gently, looking at her seriously. "I'm tired of waiting, Laurel."

"But David—" she protested weakly.

_David. _That's all she ever thought about. _David, David, David! _

"Don't talk to me about David!" His harsh response was largely due to his irritation with the human in question. "If you want to tell me to back off because _you_ don't like it, then say that. But don't expect me to worry about David's feelings. I don't care about David, Laurel." He paused to try to collect himself, to keep his emotions from spilling out. He knew that she could run away from making a choice, or that she may rashly decide that she chose David because he was too pushy. Tamani had to careful. "I care about you. And when you look at me with that softness in your eyes and you look for all the world like you want to be kissed, then I'm going to kiss you, David be damned."

She refused to look at him, turning her head away. "You can't, Tam," she said sadly.

"What would you have me do instead?" he entreated. He lost his grip on his emotions as he spoke, and he knew she heard the anguish in his voice.

"Just . . . wait."

"For what! For your parents to die? For David to die? What am I waiting for, Laurel?"

She turned her back on him and started walking away. It pained him, but he had known the risks of speaking to her so. He followed behind her quietly, surprised that she had somehow managed to find her way to the beach. He hadn't even realized they were walking in that direction, he had been so distracted.

She crossed her arms across her chest as she stopped walking and turned to look at him. The wind whipped around them, rustling their hair.

"I don't like having you so far away," he finally said. "I worry. I know you've got guards, but . . . I liked it better when you were at the land. I don't like trusting other faeries with your life. I wish . . . I wish I could come out and do it myself."

"It wouldn't work," she said, shaking her head.

_Because of David. _She didn't say the words out loud, but he heard them in the way she stood, the coldness in her eyes.

"You don't think I could do a good enough job?"

"It wouldn't work," she said again like a broken record.

"You just don't want me in your human world," he whispered. He prayed the words were true, but her silence and the way she turned her back to him confirmed his suspicion.

"You're afraid that if I was part of your human life you might actually have to make a real decision. Right now you have the best of both worlds. You get your _David._" He automatically sneered the human's name. "And then you come out here and have me whenever you want me. I'm at your beck and call, and you know it. Do you ever consider how that makes me feel? Every time you leave—go back to him—you tear up my emotions all over again. Sometimes . . ." He let out a long sigh. "Sometimes I wish you would just stop coming around." He instantly regretted the words and tried to take them back. "No, I don't actually want that, but, I just . . . it's so hard when you leave, Laurel. I wish you could see that."

One tear fell from her eyes and he prayed that it meant that he was finally getting through to her, that she realized that she was doing to him. But she dashed his hopes almost immediately.

"I can't stay," she said. "If I come here . . . _every time_ I come here . . . I have to leave, eventually. Maybe it would be better for you if I stopped coming back at all—easier."

Panic overwhelmed him—she had taken his thoughtless words seriously. She was seriously going to leave. He hastily made up some excuse about how she had to come back, how it was her birthright and destiny to be a Fall faerie.

"I know enough to get me through for a while. What I need now is practice, and I can do that from home." He saw her hands tremble before she stubbornly hid them.

"That's not the plan," he said desperately. "You have to come back regularly."

"No, Tamani," she said, her eyes distant. "I don't."

Her eyes looked at him, unrelenting and impassive.

"I have to go. It's better for me to be in my house after dark. I need you to take me to the gate."

"Laurel—" he began in distress, not even sure what he was going to say, but she cut him off.

"The gate!" she insisted.

He stiffened as he was forced to concede defeat. His one attempt at trying to get her to consider his emotions in this had backfired—now she wasn't coming back. He could see her ignoring the pain on his face. He stepped behind her and placed a hand on her waist to guide her in the right direction.

_It's settled, Tamani,_ he told himself. _You're too masochistic for your own good. _

After a moment, he knew he had to find a way to mend things.

"I—I just want you to be safe," he mumbled. He wanted to tell her that he loved her, and he nearly did, but he knew what reaction that would elicit from her.

"I know," she said quietly in response.

"What about that Klea person? Have you seen her again?"

He practically interrogated her about the women she had met who had saved her and David from the trolls. She finally grew frustrated with his questions.

"She doesn't know!" she shouted in exasperation. "And even if she did, then what? Is she going to change her mind and start trying to kill me instead? I don't think so. I'm fine!"

They hardly spoke more than a few words as they went through the gate until Shar spoke to Tamani, glowering at Laurel.

Tamani shot him a look when Laurel wasn't looking, but he knew Shar meant well. They were good friends, and Shar knew how Laurel was acting around Tamani. Shar knew how much Tamani adored Laurel and how she constantly both gave him hope and crushed it cruelly.

"We have a visitor."

"Trolls?" Tamani panicked. "Laurel, back to Avalon."

"Not trolls, Tam. Do you think I would have let you through if there were trolls waiting?"

Tamani relaxed, seeing the sense in Shar's words. "Of course not. I didn't think."

"It's the human boy. The one who was here last autumn."

"David?" Laurel gasped.

Tamani's body stiffened. He saw the flash in her eyes—the excitement and love at the prospect of seeing her boyfriend. He hated it.

"I'll take her to him. Where is he?"

"He's keeping his distance," Shar explained. "Out by the house."

"I'll be back," Tamani promised him, grabbing Laurel's arm and dragging her to the house. He soon dropped her arm, but it didn't diminish his anger.

Who did this human think he was? Tamani had known Laurel for practically their entire lives—in fact, _he_ knew more about her former life as a faerie than she did!

"I want to talk to him," he said, his teeth clenched.

"No! You can't."

"I want to know what he's doing to help keep you safe," Tamani lied. They both knew that was not his only intention, but he lied anyway. "That's all."

"Absolutely not," she snarled.

"How much are you going to throw away over David?" he demanded. He could not keep the bitterness out of his voice as he spoke. "Me, obviously. But what else? Your life? Your parents' lives? Even David's life, so I don't come in and put a hitch in your little romance. I just want to talk to him."

"You want to intimidate him," she insisted. "Threaten his position. I _know _you, Tamani."

_No!_ he wanted to scream. _You don't know me, because if you did, you wouldn't lead me on like this. You'd know how this is ripping me in two, how I _hate _that he's able to hold you, kiss you, when I _can't. _You know _nothing.

"I may as well, since he's here," he said, admitting his true intentions, still completely livid.

"I didn't ask him to come," she said.

He didn't reply, unsure what to make of her words.

"He shouldn't be off work yet. He shouldn't even know I'm here."

Tamani stopped walking and looked at her. She had _lied_ to her boyfriend to come and see him? Despite the implications of her actions, he couldn't help but feel better. If she didn't feel that her boyfriend would understand her wanting to come see him, maybe—just maybe—he still had a chance.

"You lied to him?" he said, trying to keep the glee out of his voice.

"I—" she began, but trailed off.

"You _lied _to him to come out and see me? You lied for me. I feel special." He laughed bitterly.

"Don't even think that; it wasn't for you."

_Then who was it for?_ he asked himself.

Tamani's arm shot out and grabbed her, pulling her towards him. As much as he wanted to, he didn't pull her into his arms, just holding tight to her.

"Was it? Tell me you don't love me."

She opened her mouth to speak, but the words seemed to get caught in her throat.

"Tell me," he said again, hope welling up inside him, though he tried to squash it. "Tell me David is all you need or want in your life." He couldn't resist the pull he felt to her, leaning closer to her face. "That you never think of me when you're kissing him. That you don't' dream about me the way I dream about you. Tell me you don't love me."

She looked at him imploringly, begging him not to make her choose, but he didn't back down. He was so close . . . .

"You can't even say it," he said triumphantly, pulling her to his chest and holding her against him. "Then love me, Laurel. Just _love_ me!"

He kissed her hair, her face, anything within reach his lips touched. The dam he usually kept his emotions behind had burst—he couldn't keep them hidden anymore.

"I don't love you," she said shakily.

"Yes, Laurel, you do," he whispered.

"I don't," she said, her voice firm. "I don't love you. I have to go back. And you are _not_ coming back with me."

She pulled herself from his arms, not knowing how deeply she was wounding him.

She didn't know how much he loved her. She didn't know what it was like to pine after someone for over ten years, knowing they didn't remember you. But when they finally knew you again, they weren't choosing you. They were with another. She had _no_ idea how much it hurt.

"Laurel—" he implored.

"No! I said I don't love you. I . . . I hardly even know you, Tamani! A handful of afternoons, a trip to the festival—that doesn't equal love!" Each word hurt him as if she had stabbed him with a knife. "I'm going to see David."

Her last sentence nearly made him collapse to the forest floor. Not only was she shattering him, she was flaunting her relationship with David right in front of him as she broke his heart.

It was nearly too much. He forced himself to stay standing, to pull a cold mask over his face to match the one she had worn so well, before following after her. She turned at one point and looked at him with fury.

"Stop following me!"

"I don't think you're in any position to order me around."

"David!" Laurel cried joyously. Tamani's wounded expression came back for half a second as he saw the excitement on her face before he pulled it back on. He grabbed her arm and pulled her back to him, pressing his lips against hers. She stopped struggling and kissed him back fervently for a few seconds before realization overwhelmed her and she yanked herself out of his grip.

His eyes met David's triumphantly, full of challenge. Tamani's hand still gripped Laurel's possessively, but she pulled it out of his hand all too soon.

"Go away," she said, enunciating each word. "I want you to just go! I mean it! Go!"

He looked in her eyes, desperately hunting for some sort of sign that would tell him that she didn't mean it. He found nothing.

He knew that he was not going to be able to hold onto his mask any longer. He turned on his heel and walked away quickly, leaving her in the care of her precious _boyfriend. _

As he disappeared into the forest, he broke into a run, sprinting to an area where he knew nobody would find him for a while. He leaned against a tree and finally allowed himself to try, not even caring that it wasn't right for a sentry to show such emotion. He'd had enough of trying to bottle it up.

Shar caught up with him sooner than he had expected though, appearing silently in front of him.

"What did she do?" Shar asked quietly.

"She told me to leave her alone," Tamani mumbled. "She's really not coming back, Shar. She hates me."

Tamani clenched his teeth to try to slow his tears, embarrassed at showing such emotion in front of Shar, but the latter didn't seem to mind.

"This was necessary, Tamani," Shar said gently. "At least now you know. She's not messing with your emotions anymore."

"I think I preferred that," Tamani whispered. "What is it that the humans say? 'Watch what you wish?' No, wait—'be careful what you wish for.'"

Shar was silent, just standing there as Tamani struggled to compose himself. After a moment, Tamani got to his feet and looked at Shar.

"Thank you," was all Tamani said, but everything was in his sad eyes. _Thank you for not judging me. Thank you for being there. Thank you. _

Shar nodded and left, leaving Tamani behind to try to tend to his wounded heart.


End file.
